Promise Me...

In the last couple years of his life, Ben became an even softer, kinder man.  He was always sweet and kind, but he became more vocal about it.  

Ben was my biggest fan at times.  And I really missed having my cheerleader in my corner this weekend. 

Whenever I would go visit Ben, he always wanted to know how me and Marty were doing.  He was always sure to tell me how proud he was of me, and how he thought I was doing such a good job with life (he was more specific...but I don't want to go into it on here).  He always pointed out that Marty and I have overcome some difficult things and that he is so proud of the hard work we have put in to be where we are now.  

Ben would also caution me, and made me promise him that I would take things slow in life.  Not to rush into things just because I was feeling antsy.  He wanted to make sure that we would not repeat any past mistakes.  

I so badly wanted to call or text him on Saturday to tell him that we moved another step closer to reaching our goals.  I knew he would be so excited for us and would be as enthusiastic as I was feeling.

I know he is still excited for me, and probably knows what's going on better than I do in my own life now.  But I just wanted to see his face, his little smirk and hear him say "I'm really proud of you."

I miss him.

I thought it would get easier as the days went on, but as of now it seems to get harder each day.

My sister, Aspen, spoke at Ben's funeral.  She read off these promises Ben wanted her to make.  We are all trying to adopt them into our lives.

-Promise me you'll spend time as a family with your children.

-Promise me you'll not let excuses get in the way of the people in your life.

-Promise me you'll take tons of pictures of your kids.

-Promise me you'll be a patient and kind mother and wife.

-Promise me you'll continue to love and include Sara.

-Promise me you'll be slow to be offended or frustrated by family members.  Allow them to feel how they want to feel.  Understand that in the coming weeks they may say things in sadness or anger that they normally wouldn't.  Forgive them for it and be patient.

-Promise me that you will never forget that you are living the dream.  Don't take for granted the fact that you have good health, that you have beautiful and healthy children and that you have a long future ahead of you.  Make good use of it.

I hope I continue to make Ben proud as he watches me from above.