Ramblings

I'm having a very "poor me" day today....actually it started last night after a fun girls night.

Maybe it was because after watching a chick flick I wished for nothing more than my amazing prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet.

Maybe it was going to a wedding shower and answering all the questions about where Marty is, how long he's been gone, how long he has left, how pregnant I am, how I am managing to not go insane...normally the questions don't bother me, but for some reason last night it really emphasized how hard what I am doing really is.

Maybe it was coming home to a pigsty of a house with no one to lean on or support me.

Maybe it's that I had to curl up in my big bed all alone and try not to think about the empty space next to me.

Maybe it was being woken up multiple times during the night by a child who decided sleep was overrated.

Maybe it's the touch of insomnia I've had this pregnancy making it so I never feel rested.

Maybe it is because Michael Jackson died.

Whatever the reason (however, I doubt it's because of Michael Jackson) I can't seem to snap out of it.

I am CRAVING a vacation, more so than I have been craving nacho cheese Doritos every night for the last two weeks. I just feel the need to get away from the every day same old routine, be away from everything that reminds me of what I am doing without.

The problem is I don't think being alone away from home is going to help.

I feel like my thoughts are very scattered, but today, this is how I feel after my 7 weeks of doing this day in and day out. I'm exhausted, drained, emotional.

The majority of the days I have been able to put on the happy face and go along with life. But I just don't feel like I can muster that up today.

I'm sure tomorrow I will feel fine, and if not, at least I (hopefully) get to talk to Marty on Sunday for a little bit. That's what keeps me going.

Three more weeks of this.

Three more weeks until I get to see my husband again.

Three more weeks of fake it until I make it.

Mommy, wow! I'm a big girl now!

I decided it was time to start looking for flights, a rental car and a hotel for when I head to Oklahoma to see Marty for his boot camp graduation, because you can never plan too far in advance...right?

The thing is I'm in the army now whether I like it or not. And so far I've been told that the motto of the army is "hurry up and wait" so that's what I am doing. Which is apparently what everyone is doing, because I was SHOCKED to find that a couple of the hotels were already booked for those dates! Crazy people planning so far in advance, don't they have anything better to do with their time?

And so I put on my big girl panties, and called my dad for help. I guess that really contradicts itself.

You see, the two times I've been on an airplane 1. I was like 12 or something and obviously did nothing but show up after my dad had made the arrangements. And 2. I went to New York with choir in High School and just handed my money to my teacher and once again just showed up at the airport when I was told to.

So I called my dad and was like, "Hey, dad, you want to help me get a flight to Oklahoma?" I don't think he understood that what I REALLY was saying was, "Hey, dad, can I give you some money and have you make my travel arrangements and tell me where to be and what time?"

I think he's trying to finally cut the apron strings because do you know what he said? "Go to the airline's website and see what they have to offer. Then you could call them to see if their military discount is cheaper or not and book it."

WHAT?!

The nerve of my father trying to push me out the door when I've only been married for 5 years and have two 1/2 kids.

That's probably where I went wrong, I should have called him crying saying I had no idea what I was doing and then wait for HIM to offer to take care of it for me. I'll have to keep that in mind for next time.

I may have had a minor panic attack and was barely able to get out "uh, you mean I just call and tell them the dates I need to fly and ask them what the best rate is?"

Hey, I never said I was an independent person, so stop your judging.

I think at this point my dad was probably a little annoyed that I was just repeating what he had told me and that I sounded so shocked by it. He simply said, "Uh, yes."

So do you know what I did after I was finally able to pull myself together? I got online and found the flight, and then called them and yapped the lady's ear off sounding like an idiot going "So, what does THAT particular fare mean?" And "You mean that THIS fare is cheaper than the military discount? That's crazy!" She was nice, but I felt dumb.

And now I have officially booked my first flight all by myself...well, almost all by myself. Baby steps though.

The rental car and hotel went a little smoother. Although what is with all the foreign people out there working as telephone operators? I mean no offense...but come on, how am I supposed to understand if what you said was "with limited miles" or "unlimited miles"?!?

Now that I can call and make my own travel arrangements, the world is my oyster! Even if I still have to ask my dad step by step how to check in, check my bag, go through security, where I find my plane, what I do with my bags when I have a layover etc. those are just minor details.

I know how to put my credit card information in to the computer to buy a ticket, so that's really the bulk of the plans! Next month a small trip to Oklahoma, next year riding an elephant across the African plains!