Boy or Girl?

*First off, I have to say I have no idea what's up with Blogger...it's not putting my blog into the feeds (like Google Reader) or will a week later, and then my posts are all messed up.  I'm hoping I got it figured out though.*

This pregnancy has been FLYING by.

I'll admit it, I had a bit of a panic attack yesterday when I realized Addison will turn 2 in 4 months...which means we will have another baby in about 4 1/2 months.  WHAT THE HECK?!  I don't know which I'm more nervous about, both could be quite interesting.

I think one reason this pregnancy is flying by (besides my life being a constant three ring circus making time seem non-existent) could be that I've only been to the doctor 2 times rather than the normal 3-4 by this point.

Now before you think I've gone all weird and am refusing prenatal care, it's not my fault.  I don't know what my doctor's deal in Washington was, but he just didn't want to schedule more appointments than that.  I would have preferred going the typical once a month to get that reassurance, but I'm not really one to complain to a doctor...especially when I know I'm moving anyway.

Luckily we're back in  Utah now and I am able to go to my doctor that delivered both Brielle and Claire again (YEAH!). I know I'll be happy and in good hands.

Anyway, up until the last week, I honestly haven't even given much thought to what the gender of our baby is.  I don't know if it's because I'm too busy or what, but I also haven't had a really strong feeling either way - with the girls I always felt strongly they were girls.  So maybe the lack of a strong feeling means it's a boy?  Or maybe I'm just so used to our babies being girls that I just can't imagine anything different.

A lot of people are predicting it will be a boy...but that could be wishful thinking at the same time.

Obviously because of our family being all girls, the first question I ALWAYS get is "Are you hoping for a boy?" Followed closely by "Will this be your last?"

My answers to both...I don't know.

But now that the date of finding out what the gender is quickly approaching (hopefully this Thursday...fingers crossed) I am really getting anxious to know! 

My younger sister is due any day now with a girl, and my older sister is due with a boy 3 days after me!  So either way, my baby has really close cousins. 

So, here's hoping my doctor either wants to do an ultrasound since I'm "new" at this point, or he'll buy into my sob stories and do one to be nice.

When I was pregnant with Claire all it took was dumping my urine sample in my pants to get him to do the ultrasound for me.  I'm not above trying that again. 

But I really hope he doesn't remember me for that.... 

Thank goodness for technology failures

Typically you trust your doctor to be correct in any diagnosis they may give and their computer systems to work properly.  Right?

Well, earlier this month I found out mine wasn't...and I could not be MORE grateful!

Back in April, I found out that during a routine test run by an LPN at my OBGYN office, they found an abnormality that would probably need a biopsy.

They quickly scheduled an appointment to do the procedure for the beginning of May.  However, we were surprised when a few days before that appointment, I found out I was pregnant.  I called my doctor to see what they wanted me to do, and they decided to cancel the procedure until I could get in for my first pregnancy visit and talk more about it.

My doctor assured me that the procedure was okay to do during pregnancy, but that just to be safe he preferred to wait until I was safely into the 2nd trimester.  He took another specimen just for his records, and rescheduled the procedure for July 11th.

As I went in for the procedure, I was a complete bundle of nerves.  Which is understandable since I was told that if they didn't remove the abnormality, I basically had a 75% chance of it becoming cancerous.  Plus there was a chance that it already was because the abnormality was the highest level you can get with this particular test.  Great.

When the doctor came in for the procedure, he said "When I ran that second test at your last OB appointment, it came back normal.  As odd as it seems, I think there may have been a mix up in that first specimen somehow.  I still want to take a closer look, but we won't need to do a biopsy."

After a closer look he said, "Yep, everything looks completely normal to me.  I don't know how this happened."  

It was then that I remembered the day I had that first test done - back in April - the power had gone out at my doctor's office and their computers were still down.  The nurses were writing all their labels by hand and doing the best they could.  When I told the doctor about this, he looked almost relieved.  He thanked me for remembering that detail and said that he is certain my test and someone else's were mixed up.

Good news: It wasn't my results that had an abnormality and I got a clean bill of health.

Bad news:  I had to worry for 3 months over nothing.  Someone else thinks they had a normal result and really don't.  And the doctor said he will have to call every patient from that day to come back for the test again.  

So, as much as we rely on technology and procedures to always be perfect and right.  I am SO glad for this little time when human error combined with technological failure worked out in my favor.

The End of a Chapter

Tomorrow is the day that a difficult yet very rewarding chapter of our lives comes to a close.  We will drive away from Washington for good, and the permanence is feeling very strange.

It's like reading a novel.  You speed read through the book, cramming as much as you can into each session of reading wanting to reach the end to see how it turns out.  

Then you get to that last page, you read that last word, and while you're happy to have reached it there is also a part of you that feels a little sad it is over, not sure you're ready to close that cover and put the book on the shelf.  Part of you wonders if you should go back a chapter or two and read it again, this time paying a little closer attention to the details.   But your mom comes in, sees that you're up way past your bedtime and insists it is time to put the book away. 

That is how I feel about tomorrow.

I pushed and pushed and pushed to get to the end of our military life and living away from our families.  I pushed to get us home as soon as possible.  I pushed to say goodbyes to friends, tie up loose ends and walk away.

But today I feel a little sad that it's almost over.  Not sure I'm ready to put this book on a shelf and start a new one.  Not sure I want to close the cover.  What if I don't remember how the story went?  What if I forget the characters, the plot, the twists and turns, the joy and the sadness?  What if it's all lost and forgotten and almost as if I never read it?

When we started this whole journey in Texas 2 years ago, I felt completely devastated.  I cried a lot, I ached to be home and in my comfort zone and was sure the next few years of our lives was going to be completely miserable.  Moving to Washington wasn't nearly as hard, but still a little sad. 

But you know what?  The last couple years hasn't been completely miserable.  There have been times that we have felt sad and wished we weren't missing out on things at home.  But what happened during this chapter is we made friends, we learned independence, joy in simplicity, that driving 24 hours straight in a car wasn't the end of the world. We grew closer as a couple and as a small family.  We learned the importance of food storage, to love cooking and baking, and making big Sunday dinners.  That having missionaries and friends over for dinner is FUN and not stressful.  That everyone has a mess in their house, and nobody cares if you do too.  That we all need friends but most have a hard time making that first step or reaching out.  To let things roll off my back and remain calm in stressful situations.  That lonely holidays always seemed to turn out so wonderful as we got to spend one on one time together.  That asking for help isn't the worst thing and giving service to those who really need it is so rewarding.  

And you know what, I will kind of miss these things.

I was SO excited...tearing through this book, ready to be back home.  I skimmed some details, flipped pages at break neck pace.  And today, I feel sad.  I'm not quite ready to make it complete.  

I know that the next chapter will be wonderful, and that once we're back with our families it will all be so worth it.  I just hope I can remember all I've learned and take it with me.

And I'm sure anyone that reads my blog still is ready for it to be over too so I can move onto other things to blog about.  And I will...but today I'm having a pity party.  Everyone deserves those once in a while.

Re-joining Our Old Life

I feel like my blog has been pretty "feeling" centered lately.  It's all revolving around us moving, my pregnancy or anything that I'm "feeling".  How boring is that?

Well, as much as I wished I had something fun to write about, I don't.  I have more feelings.  

Sorry.

Things on the whole moving home front are settling down.  A few of the questions from my last post have been figured out and have started falling into place, so maybe we'll survive after all.  I know it was a close call.

I decided I had two choices: 
1. Kick it into high gear and get this moving/de-cluttering/organizing/packing stuff done.

2. Give up and go home to Utah leaving it all behind.

Obviously I went with the smart choice.  #2. 

Me and the girls are heading home this Friday, leaving everything behind.  Marty is encouraging it, assuring me the movers will handle everything and it will all be okay. 

I personally am happy with this decision.

Here are some things I will NOT miss:
- Stalker neighbor boy. 
- Wood floors throughout the WHOLE house.
- Having just one bathroom.
- Grumpy Washingtonians (yes there are nice people...but the grumpy ones stick out more)
- Traffic no matter what time of day it is.
- Military health care. (Great on the wallet.  But the hoops to jump through get old)
- Rain.  Enough said.
- Not knowing where anything is.
- Missing out on family birthday's, party's, get together's.
- Family missing out on our kids growing up.

Things I WILL miss:
- Friends. Seriously, there will be tears shed.
- The personal growth and family closeness we have experienced being "on our own".
- The Shoppette.  Open 24/7 for those late night cravings.
- Diversity. (Definitely leaving more open minded.)
- Being able to get to the grocery store, doctor's office, gas station, restaurants, school, parks, post office, bowling alley, movie theater etc. within 5 minutes.  Living on base is VERY convenient.  
- Marty being able to be home for the majority of our appointments to help with babysitting.

Like any other move any other person has ever done, it will be bitter sweet.  I know I'm not the first to feel this way, and I know I won't be the last.  

But we're talking about ME here...because that's what I do.

So time to dust off my people skills, my sassy pants, and my party attitude.  Because we're trying to get back to our "old lives" here pretty soon, and I'm not sure I still know how to do it!  

But I'm excited to try.

From Anxious to Anxiety in the blink of an eye

*Please excuse me as I embark on a little keyboard therapy*

It's funny how something you have been counting down days towards can suddenly turn from being something that you're anxious to do, to something that is causing you anxiety in the blink of an eye.

I have been anxiously hoping for time to move faster so we can finally get our family back to Utah.  But now that the time really is fast approaching...still without an exact date...it's causing me a bit of anxiety.  

We've just been told it could be as soon as 10 days.  Now I don't mean Marty could have orders in 10 days and then we'd have a month or so to move, I mean that when he does get his orders, we have 7 days to leave.  SEVEN DAYS!  I don't know how to go from wondering when we're going to move to having 7 days to do it.

So we have no way of REALLY planning, since we don't know when the orders will come, just that they keep saying "soon".

Some anxiety inducing questions:

What are we going to do when we get back to Utah? (pretty broad...but really, what are we going to do?)

Will Marty be able to start immediately at his job or will there be a gap causing a gap in pay checks?

Will I be able to smoothly transition to doing my job from my parent's house or will I have to take a large amount of time off to get things set up?

Will insurance kick right in at Marty's job so I can get into an OB quickly?

If Marty is able to get a better job, will the insurance have a long probationary period before starting?

Where are we going to live?

Where is Brielle going to go to school?  Do we just put her in at the elementary by my parent's (since we'll be there while we figure stuff out for a little bit), put her in the elementary with her cousins just down the street the other direction from my parent's, or decide where we WANT to live and drive her to school every day?

Are we going to feel settled before our baby comes?

Are we EVER going to feel settled again? 

Is my body going to hold out during all this or will I start into the horrible sciatic nerve/hip pain soon?  (Okay, that's not really about the move...but it is causing me a little anxiety!)

We have averaged 1 move per year since we've been married, which has been 7 years.  Moving back to Utah and bunking up at my parent's house will be move 8.  Then of course there's moving from there to wherever we end up...move 9...all within this year.  It's exhausting just thinking about it.

So while I'm very excited to be back in Utah with family and familiarity...I am feeling very anxious about the what now? and the unknowns.

Luckily I know the Lord has a definite hand in our lives, we have seen it countless times before, and we know things will work out in the end.  

I just have to have faith to not go crazy in the meantime.

A little me and an overdue thank you.

Since I know people are really checking into this blog to hear about ME and only me...I will happily oblige and give you what you are in search of.

Plus, it's kind of my favorite topic to write about.  

(As long as it's in sarcastic tones.)

I don't know about those who have blazed the trail before me, but for some reason this fourth pregnancy is kicking my trash!  I'm not more sick, not more hormonal, not in more pain.  But I am BEYOND tired. I don't know that any amount of sleep would make me feel less tired, and I'm pretty sure this level of exhaustion while exerting little to no energy has never been achieved.

And as much as I am enjoying all this talk about me, I really HAVE to divert your attention to what I REALLY wanted to write about.  I know, I sucked you in thinking you were going to read a nice big post all about yours truly only to fool you.  

But alas, it must be done.

What I REALLY wanted to write about was Marty.  I owe him a HUGE thank you for all that he does.

(Including enduring a frilly daddy daughter dance with the girls and living to tell about it.)

If there's one thing Marty LOVES (not to be confused with loathes), it's attention and hoopla directed towards him.  So I'm going to make that a reality today and brag about how fantastic he is.

Marty is seriously the best husband ever!  If it weren't for him I'm not sure our kids or house would be surviving right now. As tiring as this pregnancy has been so far, it seems like Marty has just gotten better and better at it, picking up the slack without saying a word.  I haven't heard him complain once about the added responsibilities he has willingly taken over, and really he would have EVERY right to complain, because I am not the funnest pregnant lady to live with. (I know this seems shocking since I'm so incredibly delightful in all my interactions with people.)

There are many days that Marty is not only being the fun, crazy, silly dad, but is also taking over many of the mom "responsibilities".  

-Some days his relaxing lunch break/nap on the couch turns into feeding the girls and doing dishes.

-Some days he comes home from a long day of work and happily offers to cook dinner if I haven't.

-His Saturday's to catch up on sports, reading or sleep have turned into doing all the grocery shopping, errands, yard work and making sure the "chores" get done around the house.  (Although I did go grocery shopping a few days ago...I'm trying to get back into normal life.)  

-Some nights he takes over all the baths and bedtimes with the kids.

-His evenings to veg in front of the TV have turned into late night runs to the gas station for some strange craving I have.  

And you know what...he always does it all with a smile.  

I don't know how he does it. 

Today I fell asleep on the couch while he was home for lunch, and of course, in true Marty fashion, while I was asleep he put Addison down for a nap and kept the other girls busy and told them not to bother me  

(I really didn't mean to fall asleep, I swear!)

But when I woke up, something dawned on me.  

Here and there Marty will throw out a little "Maybe this baby should be our last" type comment.  I usually just roll my eyes.  I have always assumed he said this because he worries the stress of raising and caring for any more than 4 kids would just be too much for him. 

But I think I was wrong.  I have decided he COULD handle more kids. 

It's another pregnancy that might put him over the edge. 

Poor Marty....he really got the short end of the stick.

I guess the good news is the nausea seems to be slowing down and I'm feeling a little better and have started trying to pick back up my end of the responsibilities.  Unfortunately the nausea seems as though it is being replaced with raging hormones, and all I want to do is cry all day.  

Marty just can't win!

So, thank you SO much Marty!  You're sure a peach, and our little family is SO lucky to have you!

(And all those other babies waiting to come to our family are lucky too. ;) )

Addison Update (3 months in the making)

I really just wanted to document/update about Addison for my own records.  I know these type of posts aren't that exciting, but sometimes it's good for me to be able to look back and see how much things have changed so I can get a good perspective.

Back in March I wrote this post about Addison and how I was concerned about her being behind with her speech thanks to a LONG winter full of ear infections and how we had gone ahead with getting her tubes, hoping for improvement.

So now that we're a little over 3 months out from her tubes, her speech is taking off, and it makes me so happy!

Before her tubes she was saying about 8 or 9 words.

Her current list is closer to 40 (I lost count, missed some and she adds a new one every day it seems): hi, mama, daddy, thank you, uh-oh, wow, what's that (wu zat), Cuh (for sisters) Lizzy, see ya, night, binky (ginky), blanky (ganky), done/all done, gone, doggie (goggie), outside (owside), go, shoes, ow (like owie), stinky, ew (like gross), eyes, nose, whoa, belly, good job (goo jah), yah, yay, no, drink, okay, Elmo (la la, because of the song), oh, hello, what.

It's amazing how FAST a little child picks up on things.  I would say even more notable to us above her increasing vocabulary is that her comprehension has EXPLODED.  Before the tubes she didn't seem to pay a whole lot of attention to us and didn't follow any directions.  While she still doesn't follow a whole lot of directions thanks to a stubborn streak, she understands us and will go get things we ask her to find, she will put things back that she gets out, answers questions like "where is your head?" etc.

So...I know this is starting to come across as a "Look how smart my baby is!" type post.  But this is just simply because looking back at where we were three to four months ago with her versus now is basically a completely different child, and it's amazing!  I am so happy I pushed for the tubes and listened to my mother's intuition when other people were telling me to avoid it and to use more "natural" remedies for her ear infections.  The thing that natural remedies couldn't do was remove all the built up gunk and scar tissue that was lodged down in her ear canal making her hearing bad.  

I will never regret getting her tubes.  It's opened up a whole new world to her, and she is SO much happier now than she has ever been.  Which is so wonderful to see as a mother.  Sure she's till crazy and a dare devil and has put a good chunk of gray hair on my head (seriously...I'm too young for gray hair!), but she is cheerful, social, outgoing, talkative and wonderful.

Some pictures of Addison now:

She insists on wearing this helmet basically every day.  She was also wearing a backpack and a black headband as a necklace in this particular picture.

I have had ONE person tell me she looks exactly like me, but I'm pretty sure it's just because of her curly hair.  (For some reason people tell me I look like people who also have curly hair...even when our faces look NOTHING alike.)

A little cleaning before bed.  I took half the handle off the Swiffer so she doesn't keep trying to use my broom, which was sure to end in stuff being broken.

Addison was being quiet in the play room, so I thought for sure she was up to no good.  When I went to check on her, she had climbed in this doll stroller, picked up a baby doll and was sucking on it's fake plastic binky.  She is such a ham.

I just adore our little Addison and am so grateful she's in our family!