Made up memory: Off the Baby!

 For 3 1/2 years, Aspen and Ben were in sibling bliss.  They had mom and dad wrapped around their fingers, and were living a full and beautiful life.  They had formed an unbreakable bond, and were the very best of friends.  There was no room for another person in their lives.

Then I arrived.

And as cute as I was, Ben was not amused.

In his mind, I was here to compete for the attention of our parents, as well as possibly weaseling into his perfect friendship with Aspen.  He did not want to be left watching from the sidelines.

I believe Ben and Aspen quickly began plotting how to get rid of this new baby in their lives.  You can see in the picture below that the wheels in their heads are spinning, trying to come up with ideas of how they were going to finally be free of this new offspring. 

"Hmm...what happens if I poke her in the head like this?" Aspen says.  "Yeah, try it!" Ben agrees.

Some of the things I KNOW they tried included:

-Feeding me a booger

-Smashing my finger in a door
-Putting me on top of a big tractor tire in the back yard, hoping I would fall to my demise

After almost 2 years of doing all I could to win them over, I think they finally accepted me.

Then Emily came into the scene.
Our only option then, was to try and run away...

We didn't get very far.

And eventually Emily wiggled her way into our stone cold hearts as well.

But not before Aspen and Ben tried offing her too...with possibly a little help from me.

But nobody can prove it.

Made up memory: The lone brother

Ben, me, Aspen

I'm sure being the only boy with three sisters had it's good and bad moments.

Some times it really worked to his advantage.  He was the king of the castle and our one and only brother, the boy that was sent to our family to try and keep us girls under control.  But I also imagine at times he probably felt like fitting in was a little hard.

He would suggest playing cowboys and Indians  rolling in the mud, climbing the trees and throwing snow balls at passing cars.

We would refuse and instead tell him we wanted to play Barbies, or house and that he had to be the dad, the horse or the dog.

But Ben never played along begrudgingly, he always jumped right into our fun, taking it to the next level.  While we were playing merry homemaker, he was the bad cowboy coming to steal our babies and eat our pies.  While we were playing fancy dress up Barbies, he was the local wagon builder using his constructs to make covered wagons to help our fashion star Barbies cross the plains, as well as the local horse trainer and wagon driver who would then help get us safely to our destination.  Where we wanted to pretend to be pioneers in the back yard, he got out the saw horses, threw blankets and ropes on them and turned them into our REAL horses.  When we would pretend a giant boulder was our tree house, Ben found scrap wood, nails and a hammer and went to work making a REAL tree house for us.

Ben made our lives full of fun and laughter (and a huge amount of teasing).  

He loved high adventure and let us tag along.

He never once complained about having all sisters (that I heard) or wished he had a brother.

And really, looking back, why would he?  

He had it made.

Made up memory: Kindred Spirits/Need a Lift?

Ben and Grandma Ridges on an adventure in 1993

Ben and my Grandma Ridges are truly kindred spirits.  They were always up for adventure, and much happier and at peace if they were outdoors enjoying nature.  We have said many times that we like to think Grandma Ridges met Ben as he passed into heaven and took him straight to Moab to enjoy the red rocks and sand that their spirits were so drawn to.

Grandma Ridges and Ben getting ready to have lunch on a slick rock trail...not sure who is passed out beside them.  Jeeping can be rough!

Grandma came on almost all of our Jeeping trips to Moab.  When we would come up to a big obstacle, many of us would bail out of the Jeep out of fear and stand to the side to watch rather than ride.  

But not Ben and Grandma Ridges.  They wanted to be right in the action.

In 2001, Grandma was with us on another trip in Moab.  However this year the Jeep had gotten taller, and at 87 years old, and 5' tall, her little legs couldn't quite make it up to get in. She typically did her best to get a leg up, and then would reach in and the driver would pull her up.  But this was getting more and more difficult. She decided once she got in with some help, she would just have to stay put until we were done.

But Ben took it upon himself to be Grandma's personal lift into the Jeep.  He scooped her little body up very gently and sat her in her seat up front.  And Ben did that for her every time she wanted to get in and out.

Ben has always been so thoughtful and kind, especially to our grandparents. And as he passed through the veil, I think my Grandma was happy to return the favor as she helped him into heaven. 

Excited to have this sweet boy to share some new adventures with again.

Made up memory: Co-pilot Failure

It was 1997, and Ben was just 16, but had years of driving experience under his belt.  Ben and my dad had recently bought a Jeepster, it was in amazingly good condition and a rare find.  It was a true gem.

I found myself as Ben's trusty co-pilot on one of many vacations exploring the beautiful landscape and scenery of Moab.  Moab was our second home, we knew the ins and outs and had locals that we were friends with.  We knew where to eat, what time of year to go, what trails to go on and the best camping spots.

Riding the familiar trails with Ben, I had complete confidence in his ability to maneuver the vehicle around difficult terrain, and knew that I was safe there in the passenger seat.

The warm sun ducked behind the clouds, and the rain began to come down leaving a muddy mess.  I started to worry about the mud and possibly getting stuck, but I looked over at my brother and saw that to him, this was just a sweet adventure.  He zipped around in the mud, slipping and sliding with that infamous Ben smirk on his face.

He was in Heaven.

Continuing our co-pilot status, I was asked to ride along with Ben as he drove home to keep him awake.  I tried my best to make small talk and keep my eyes open.  I had promised my parents that I was not tired and would keep Ben company.  But the hum of the Jeepster quickly lulled me to sleep.  

To this day I can't ride in a Jeep without getting sleepy.

I woke up a short while later as we exited the freeway for a pit stop.  Sheepishly I looked over at Ben, expecting him to be annoyed that I hadn't stayed awake to keep him company.  But instead, he flashed a smile at me and joked, "Some co-pilot you are."

And even though I felt bad I had fallen asleep, I knew I was safe in that passenger seat and that he wouldn't ever let anything bad happen to me.

Made up memory: Zip It!

As a child, Ben was not exactly a quiet child.

This may be hard to believe for some, as he was a much more reserved teenager and adult. 

Not shy, just not loud.

Polar opposite to him as a child.

I imagine there were many times where mom and dad were asking him to please keep it down, or to use a softer voice.  I know I used my fair share of "naughty words" (i.e. 'shut up'...I know, I am a horrible person)

One day, I imagine he had heard "zip it!" one too many times, and decided it was time to take matters into his own hands.

It didn't seem to help though.

Made up memory: Christmas Mornings

Ben, me, and Aspen holding Emily

Christmas mornings were always full of excitement - as they are in every house.  

The excitement would begin bright and early, usually around 3:00 a.m.  Ben was always the most excited, and would quietly wake us up and whisper "Do you think mom and dad will let us get up now?"  

We would send Ben off to ask mom and dad...because we knew they would probably say no, but always hoped that Ben's charm would convince them otherwise.

But he always came back disappointed.

4:00 a.m.:  "Do you think it's time now?"

Off he went to ask the parents, just to be sent back to bed.

5:00 a.m. "I really think they'll let us get up now!"

But he was wrong.  They still wanted more sleep.

So, Ben - being the ultimate master of sneak - hatched a plan.  He would quietly go into the living room to see what Santa had brought, and report back to us.  That way the waiting would be a little easier.

He would come back with his report:  "I saw a bike/giant doll house/cabbage patch kids!" and we would sit and whisper and giggle, all squished in one bedroom (even when we had our own) watching the seconds tick away on the clock until we got the go ahead from mom and dad.

Mom always made us pose at the stairs for a picture before "letting us see the presents."

Aspen, Ben, Me, Emily

We would oblige and pause for the picture, all the while exchanging sneaky glances because Ben had already told us what we were getting.

But mom and dad were none the wiser.

As Ben got older, he tried to act too cool for Christmas, and he would tell us on Christmas Eve to not wake him up, because he wasn't excited and wanted to sleep in.

But sure enough, at 4:00 a.m., Ben would come into our rooms...too excited to sleep...to recruit us to go with him to wake up mom and dad.

And one year, after all the years of begging and pleading, it had finally paid off.  They let us just get up at 4:00.

Even though I'm an adult, I still feel that same intense excitement on Christmas Eve that Ben had, and instilled in the rest of us.  

And I find myself waking up at 3:00, 4:00, 5:00 anxiously waiting for the little pitter patter of feet to come wake me up and say:

"Do you think it's time now?"

Made up memory: Uncle Teasy Pants

Giving Brielle a ride on a nature walk with the family

Ben had a particularly sweet soft spot for the grandkids.  Many times as he was getting closer and closer to passing he would ask specifically about the kids.  He wanted to know how they were doing, what they were up to, and loved hearing any story we could tell him about their antics.  He texted me one time telling me how much he was going to miss the grandkids, and miss watching them grow up, and just how amazing they were to him.

Ben loved visits from the grandkids just as much as they loved going to see him.

All 10 of them had him wrapped around their fingers.  And although the youngest babies didn't get to spend much time with him before he was too sick to do much, he loved them as well.

Poking Brielle and messing with her chair

Ben is - STILL - known and referred to as "Uncle Teasy Pants" around here.  He was constantly poking, bugging, tugging hair, and nudging the kids, he loved to get a reaction out of them.  Almost daily I hear Addison say, "I miss Uncle Teasy Pants.  I so sad he died."  It's heart breaking, but also so wonderful that he made such a big impression on all the kids.

At Sara's concert in the park, he kept tapping the bottom of Claire's chair, and would feign innocence when she would turn around.  Claire talks about this all the time.

Having a conversation with niece Cadence

 One day in particular, Ben was teasing my girls.  Somehow Claire - being a bit clumsy - tripped over Ben's foot and bonked her head on something.  She started crying, and you could instantly see Ben felt bad.  So - despite the pain he was in - Ben had Claire climb up on his lap to console her.

Addison didn't want to be left out and climbed up too.

It seems like a simple thing, having your nieces sit on your lap.  But for Ben, it was probably very painful as his tumors were growing and causing him a lot of pain.  He never let the kids see that he was in pain though.  

They will always remember him as their fun, silly, "Uncle Teasy Pants" who they love, adore, and miss greatly.  He is one of a kind.

Made up memory: Trail-Head Breakfast

L-R: Mom, Emily, Aspen, Camille, Ben

In 1995, we were on one of many trips to Canyonlands and Moab. 

It was a beautiful spring morning, with a slight chill in the air.  We were looking forward to the sun finally peeking out over the mountains to warm our cold, tired bodies.

We had learned early on to always dress in layers, because a Moab morning could be cold, but a Moab afternoon may cook you like bacon.  I always secretly giggled at the sight of us all with sweatshirts, blankets, gloves and hats paired with a ragged pair of shorts.  We were the absolute epitome of true Utahn's.  Always wearing shorts unless it was a blizzard out.

I imagine Ben and Dad were anxious to get on the trail and start the fun, as well as wanting to give us ample time to take side trails and run obstacles over and over to see how the Jeep would flex and crawl, always completely enthralled with the power of a machine they had customized with their own blood, sweat and tears.

The rest of us sleepily agreed to go.

This meant packing in our breakfast...not our usual routine.  Most of the time we would make a yummy dutch oven breakfast at camp, eat, clean up and head out.

But knowing Ben and Dad, they wanted to watch that sun come up over the red rock spires, because it is magic.  And never wanting to disappoint those men in our little family, we packed up the cereal and left.

And they were right.  The sun coming up over red rock spires is breath taking.

It made that cold cereal taste better than any dutch oven feast ever could.

Made up memory: Facial Expression Master

  There have been times in my life where I have been accused of pulling a lot of faces.

And all I have to say is...I learned from the Master.

There are so few pictures where Ben isn't pulling a face, he truly had mastered the art of deforming his face in the name of comedy.

Back in the day, before digital cameras were invented, my parents had no choice to delete a picture and try again when Ben pulled a face.  You were just stuck with whatever happened.

In 1990, my parents wanted to have a nice little photo shoot of the kids together.  I imagine it went a bit like this:

Mom/Dad:  Okay kids, everyone pose in front of the fire place for a nice little picture all together.

*Kids do as told*

Mom/Dad:  Oh, aren't you all the cutest things we've ever seen?  How about you pose with the little girls on the big kids shoulders.  Awwww...darling!  Now, everyone say cheese!

Girls:  CHEESE!
Ben:  FART! (while pulling a horrible face)

Ben with Emily on his shoulders, Aspen with me on her shoulders

Mom/Dad:  BEN!  We don't say that word!  And please, just smile for the picture!
Ben:  Okay.

Mom/Dad:  All right, let's try this again.  But this time, let's try the big kids on the little girl's shoulders...just for kicks and giggles.  All right, you cute things you, everybody, say cheese!

Girls:  CHEESE!
Ben:  BOOGER!  (while still managing to pull a face)

Mom/Dad:  BEN!  Is it too much to ask for you to take one decent picture?
Ben:  As a matter of fact...it is.

Mom/Dad:  Fine.  Everyone just make a silly face, we give up.

Back: Emily, Me.
Front: Ben and Aspen

And there you have it...a Master teaching us his art.

Made up memory: A Trip To Remember

L-R: Grandma Ridges, Ben, Me, Emily, Aspen and Mom

In the fall of 1994 we set off on a fun little camping trip with my Grandma Ridges.  (If you look in the picture above, you can see how loving Ben always was to Grandma)

Let's just say we went to...Goblin Valley...because I have no clue where we really were.

We loaded up our nice hand-me-down Suburban with our sweet CJ-7 Jeep in tow, and off we went.

As with all of our camping trips, this one did not go off without a hitch.  In the middle of nowhere, our Suburban decided it no longer wanted to go camping and blew up (or something broke down...I can't really be sure).

We were stranded.

Thankfully, we happened to be stranded at a great camping location, and so we unloaded and set up camp.  Dad took the Jeep into town (somewhere very far away) for parts he needed to repair the Suburban.  But because of past experience, we knew he'd handle it and so we wasted no time and got right to exploring.

Me, Aspen, Ben and Emily

  As we were hiking around, I somehow managed to smash my finger pretty good.  Ben (and Aspen too...but these stories are mostly about Ben, sorry Aspen) was worried that it might have been broken, and - unlike how he usually treated me - was trying to help me down from our hike to get back to camp for some first-aid from mom and Grandma (I'm sure Grandma was completely bummed that she couldn't go on our hike with us.  She always wanted to be part of the action).

Ben asked me if I could move my finger.  Through tears, I squeaked out a "No."

Emily - being a sweet younger sister - walked over to me, grabbed my finger and shook it saying, "Yes you can, see?!"

Ben (and Aspen) was horrified...but then just about fell over laughing.

Obviously my finger would survive, because Emily's violent shake hadn't ripped it off.

Dad returned from getting parts, fixed the Suburban and it was then time to explore some more.  We drove up a cool rock formation, and dad wanted to take a good photo opportunity.  Having heard somewhere that pictures are better with people in them (and the fact that there are about 15,000 pictures of the Jeep by itself) he decided he better get someone in there.

Looking around, he found the closest two victims.  Me and Ben (and our dog Gabby).  So we hopped in the picture to document a great trip.

I'm rockin' that outfit!

And honestly, even though I'm sure me and Ben fought and bickered much of the time, I can't remember any of it.  I just remember that Ben was awesome, and some day I wanted to be just like him. 

Fearless, adventurous...and secretly super nice.

Made up memory: The Beast

*Made up memory is going to become a weekly installment for a while.  It has been so fun and therapeutic.  Many of the facts in the stories are true...they aren't completely made up.*

In 1996, Ben was just about to turn 16.  As most teenage boys, he was thrilled with the prospect of getting his own car, and being able to cruise around on the hunt for chicks (or whatever teenage boys cruise around for. Tacos maybe?).

Most boys would start begging their parents for the coolest new car they could manage.  But Ben?  Not so much.  Instead, Ben began the process of buying something junky (motorcycle, three-wheeler, lawn mower), fixing it up and selling it for a profit, then buying something a step higher until at last, he acquired a car.

What once was - I'm sure - a lovely Jeep Wagoneer became this boy's new toy.  The Wagoneer was in rough shape when Ben bought it with his hard earned money.  I can't imagine he spent more than a few hundred dollars on it.

So rather than restore it to it's original glory, he went at it with a hack saw, cutting the rusted old body away, and unleashing what became known as "The Beast"!

Now, Ben was not of legal age to be driving this machine...but the machine really wasn't legal for anyone to drive, regardless of their age.  We would tow that sucker up to the mountains and Ben was free to explore and do whatever he wanted.  Can you imagine the freedom a 15 year old boy must have experienced?

Riding in The Beast was a tricky thing that should have been turned into an Olympic sporting event.  If you didn't enter or exit the vehicle just right, you ran the risk of receiving a third degree burn on the engine, or a cut from the jagged metal that would go straight to the bone.  Plus, if you weren't holding on tight (because I don't recall seatbelts...safety wasn't exactly a priority in The Beast) you could run the risk of flying out the side going around a big turn, or over a big bump.

It. Was. AWESOME!

The seats, however, were original.  The crowning glory.

I don't recall how long The Beast was at our house.  But when Ben discovered he could piece it out and sell the parts, I'm sure he quickly moved up to the next, bigger, better project.

But The Beast will live on in infamy forever.

Made up memory: The Game of Life

Ben was a champion at everything he tried.  Some of his top earning activities were:

-Cheating at Uno

-Building stuff

-Driving stuff

-Teasing his sisters (or was that just me?)

-Burping contests

-Dead legs

-Facial contortions 

-Using his big brown puppy dog eyes to get whatever he wanted from mom and dad...but I'm not bitter or jealous, not at all.  Just that my blue eyes never got the same reaction.  I'm just saying.

But there was one activity that he excelled far above and beyond anybody else.  

And that would be the game of Life.  

And sure, maybe he cheated like crazy, but I think he also just really lucked out.  He landed on every single good space there was, while the rest of us were stuck paying out restitution and junk throughout the board.  He always ended up being a doctor or lawyer, and we'd get the lowly teacher or NO job.  He always landed in the mansion at the end, while we were at the loony bin (or whatever the end was).

And it seems so incredibly fitting now, because he has landed in the ultimate mansion on high after going through his own game of 'Life' perfectly...and here we are, left behind in the 'loony bin', looking up at that mansion wishing we could be with him.

But we've still got more 'Life' to play, and this time - by golly - we're going to JOIN him in that mansion at the end!

Made up memory: The Kaiser

I hope that everyone will bear with me as I continue posting about Ben.  It just seems to feel therapeutic in a way.  As I mentioned in the previous blog post, I do not have a good memory, and I HATE that looking back at pictures, I can't really remember what exactly was going on.

But what I lack in memory, I can make up for with imagination.  So, I have this picture that I decided to make up my own memory about.  I am also going to be posting a lot of pictures and "made up memories" for a while, because I love looking at the happy times with Ben.

To begin, however, you must understand something.  Me and Ben didn't always have the most hunky dory relationship growing up.  We were the two middle kids with really strong personalities on either side of us in birth order.  I think this lead to us just not getting along.  We loved each other, sure, but didn't always exactly like each other.  That brings me to my first "Made up memory".

"The Kaiser"

Back in 1997, my dad drove to California for a business trip.  In a moment that was so unusual for our parents, they decided the rest of the family would fly out there to meet him and go to Disneyland!  Here I was...13 years old and about to go to Disneyland for the first time.

It really was magical.  And we had a wonderful time.

After our wonderful Disney vacation, it was time to hit the road and drive back home to Utah as a family.  We were no strangers to long road trips, having a lot of family in Arizona, and we knew what to expect.

We knew that I would get car sick and people would have to move around to accommodate me being in the middle with cold air blowing on my face, that we would stop along the way to see and do things, and that we would play games, laugh...and possibly fight...but that's beside the point.

Somewhere along the way, my dad spotted a Kaiser truck!  It was in great condition, and he couldn't pass up the opportunity to take a closer look.  I was grateful for the opportunity to stop, as I was *this close* to losing my lunch in a Disneyland popcorn bucket.

We pulled off to the side, and I imagine the following occurred:

Dad:  Guys, look at that awesome Kaiser!  We have to go look!
Ben:  Yeah, that's sweet!
Camille:  Yes, get me out of this car!  I don't even care WHAT a Kaiser is, as long as it means I can escape this metal vomit trap!

*We pull over and exit the car*

Dad:  Hey, Camille and Ben, stand there so I can get a picture of you guys.
Camille:  Seriously?  I am on the verge of throwing up and you want a picture...of me...with a Kaiser...and Ben?
Dad:  Yeah, it'll be a good memory!
Ben:  You seriously want me to stand in a picture with pukey over here?  Why does she have to be in the picture and ruin the beautiful opportunity to have me with a Kaiser?
Dad:  Just do it!

So, we obliged.  We couldn't be bothered to actually smile, that would be asking too much.  But we did as dad asked, and thanks to that, we have the lovely picture above.  And my dad was right...it does make a good memory, and I'm glad we have the picture.