Parenting in the Wild

Today as I was in the bathroom, I heard Addison making her way towards the door.  "Mommy?  Mommy?  Mommy, wuh-r-u (where are you)?"  My basic survival instincts kicked in, and I thought to myself "Just be silent, make no noise, don't move and don't respond.  Maybe she won't realize you're in here and will just keep moving."

That's when I realized, surviving parenthood is a lot like surviving in the wild.  So, I thought I would put together a list of wilderness survival techniques that can transition easily into parenthood survival so we can all try to make it out alive.

Play Dead 

I already touched a bit on this.  Playing dead only works in some instances...just like in the wild.  But when those hungry animals (kids) come circling while you're in the bathroom or behind any closed door, it is best to remain silent, calm and perfectly still.  Act as if you don't exist.    Most of the time they will fall for it and pass right by you, leaving you to do your business in private.  Of course just like in the wild this does not always work, then you're on your own.

Make yourself bigger, louder and scarier

Nobody - no matter HOW hungry/tired/sassy/bored they are wants to deal with a crazed maniac.  If you've lost all pride, then go ahead and yell, scream, make scary faces, flail your arms.  Kids and animals alike will all run and hide out of fear.

Don't make any sudden movements/noises

This kind of goes along with playing dead.  But at the same time, is completely different.  If you are just sitting there folding laundry, doing dishes or anything of that sort and suddenly shift gears (like getting something to eat, putting on shoes, trying to check your email etc.) kids  will be on you like a bear to honey wondering what you're doing, where you're going, what you're eating, if they can come/eat/play/see.  They will also most likely start whining.

Stay on well marked paths

If you divert from the normal cleaning/cooking/laundry routine and start something even SLIGHTLY different, they will catch on and be in your business before you know what happened.  This also goes for the store.  If you keep to your regular path of boring cans, produce, meat, dairy, the kids won't notice.  But once you veer into that cookie aisle or over to the clothes/movies/toys all bets are off.  Kids will begin acting on their basic instincts - wild/greedy animals - and pulling things off shelves, throwing stuff in the cart and throwing tantrums over NEEDING THAT PEZ DISPENSER NOW!

Keep food out of reach

Animals - and kids - are hungry.  All. The. Time.  If you leave food anywhere they can reach it, especially if it's sugary, it will be gone in a matter of seconds with crumbs and wrappers being the only evidence left behind.

Don't leave a scent for them to follow

Don't ever, I repeat EVER, attempt to eat chocolate, ice cream, cake, cookies or any other sort of sweet treat in secret.  The nose of a child is similar to a blood hound.  They will catch that scent and hunt you down.  It is best to eat these things either when kids are gone, you're in the car alone (which really doesn't happen often) or after they're asleep...unless you're into sharing.

Stay in groups

Just like animals, kids prey on the weak.  When you are on your own without backup (a spouse/friend/other adult) they will prey on you and whine and pester until they beat you down and get what they want.  It is best to always have a buddy to help you seem less vulnerable.

NEVER leave opened food out unless you don't want it.

Last night I ate some Doritos (after the kids were in bed of course) and made the mistake of leaving the open bag sitting out.  That bag of Doritos is now GONE...I was foolish to think the kids wouldn't see it or eat it with it just there for the taking.  I have learned my lesson and will be more diligent from now on.

So there you have it.  My Parenting in the Wild survival guide.

I hope it helps you and that in the end, we will all make it out alive.

Brielle Back To School - 1st Grade

So today was the day.  Brielle went off to 1st Grade!  Being the little independent soul she is, she told me more than once that I could leave now, she knew what she was doing.  But, being the overly paranoid/recovering shy child that I am I just couldn't tear myself away so easily.  So, I tried not to hover but I waited to make sure she got in okay.  

I just can't believe she's going to be gone ALL DAY now!  I don't know how either of us got this old!  I mean I always knew Marty was old, but me and Brielle are still so young!

Anyway, here are the pictures I took before leaving for school this morning (plus her back to school clothes for Marty to see...including the KILLER deal, those jeans were $0.97 at Old Navy.  Yeah...less than $1!)

Good luck Brielle!  We're so proud of you!

Kid Funnies II

(Sorry for no pictures...we've been experiencing technical difficulties around here.)

I just love writing down some of these hilarious things my kids say.  Claire is our little comedienne (A.K.A. Marty's personality clone...which is to say she's a bit strange, random and hilarious).  She isn't PURPOSELY funny, and she is typically very matter of fact when she says these things.  She's not looking for a laugh, but appreciates them when they happen.  Brielle on the other hand HATES being laughed at, so usually the funnies are mostly from Claire.  Also, some of these I did put on Facebook, but since I don't keep my Facebook status's copied somewhere (does anybody?), I wanted to make sure and record them on here.

Anyway...enjoy some more Kid (mostly Claire) Funnies!

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Claire was sitting all alone at the table eating a snack, and nobody was really around her.  I hear her say loudly from the other room, "Somebody tooted that's a little girl.....and it was me."

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Claire was having an interesting day and had bumped into the wall a couple times (okay, so most days are like this with her).  She came crying to me after one time and I had to ask:

Me: "Why do you keep running into walls?"

Claire: "I don't know, I just don't see the wall."

Me: "Why don't you see the wall?"

Claire: "Well, sometimes I blink when I get close to a wall, so I don't see it and run into it."

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Brielle came up behind me while I was looking at a picture online.  In the background of the picture was a big sign that said "Welcome Home" but the M and E of Home were cut off by people standing in front of it.  She says nice and loud, "Why does that say Welcome Ho?"

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The girls were all sitting squished by each other watching a show.  After a few minutes Claire got up and backed away from them saying, "Ewww...I'm not sitting by you guys because someone stinks!  Oh, wait, that's me."

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Claire on energy - "I can save up my energy because I have traps in my mouth that catch it and save it for when I need it.  I have 49 traps to trap the energy, and they are all large size.  There are two kinds of energy, regular energy and food energy.  Food energy is brown.  Addison has mostly red energy because that gives babies energy to run faster."

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"Mom's know more, because they think better with their brains than daddy's." - Claire proving she's a genius.

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I was upstairs at my parent's house when I started hearing Claire yelling downstairs.  It wasn't a mad yell, but more talking very loudly.  I started listening to what she was saying in case she needed something.  But this is what I heard:                      

"Hi!  Hi!  How are you?  I'm good.  How are you?  I'm good too.  Are you having fun today? I'm having fun.  What do you like to eat?  I like to eat lots of stuff.  Hey, what are you doing?  I'm just going potty.  Do you go potty too?"  And so on for a couple minutes.  I finally decided to go see what in the world she was doing.  There she was sitting on the toilet yelling in the bathroom because it echoed.  I laughed and asked if she was having fun playing with her echo.  She very seriously says to me, "Oh, I wasn't playing with my echo, I just thought I was making a new friend."

24th of July/Just like old times.

So, I finally got around to getting my camera out of my car...I win major awards for picture taking of course...and decided I should probably blog a little so Marty can at least see that we aren't dead here in Utah without him.  Not that we don't talk to him, but like I said I'm winning awards here on the picture taking front.

First of all, we got to Utah on the 23rd of July just in time for the BBQ and water party to celebrate the 24th (Pioneer Day).  It was awesome to be back in Utah in time for this holiday, and to claim that the party was to welcome us home.  I took some pictures that night...but then my camera battery died and I was too lazy to charge it (seriously, I have got issues!).  But here are some pictures I DID take.

The younger 4 grand kids enjoying their food.

Two girls SO happy to be reunited....even with sun in their eyes.

 Two more girls equally happy to be reunited.

Slip and Slide fun begins.

Brielle was the master (of the kids).

Claire tried.

She did a little victory dance for "making it" all the way down.

 Visiting with my wonderful Grandparents from Arizona.

Next on our Utah FUN agenda...shadowing Grandpa everywhere he goes.  The girls just want to sit out in the garage with him all day.  I asked him if it reminded him of the "old days" when me and my little sister Emily would just go wherever he was, and he said it definitely reminded him of some happy times. 

Claire talks his ear off, so I asked if she was as bad as Emily was...he said she was getting close.

The "Peanut Gallery".

They actually did this on their own, without instruction and asked me to take a picture!  Amazing.

A couple silly faces.

And Addison acquainting herself with the garage, making herself at home.

 So far being back has been great, although we are lonely for Marty to get here and a little anxious to have things start to fall into place and get settled.

But in the meantime, we'll just bum around at my parent's house and let them spoil us!  I think it's the perfect plan.