You may consider it false advertising, leading people to believe I'm as great in person as I am on the world wide web. But the fact of that matter is just that. I'm NOT as fun in real life. Mostly because real life doesn't have a back space key, or the ability to spend an hour thinking about how to say something. Put me on the spot in a new social situation and I return to my wall flower ways of Jr. High, desperately watching my crush from afar, wishing I had the guts to approach him and at least say hi, but instead watching as the "popular/outgoing" girls win his attention and I'm left wondering why he never noticed me...while I was blending in to the wall.
Now, in case you are confused, I am not trying to win the attention of any boy, this is just the best I can compare with how I feel when I see other ladies have fun, laugh, get together, have play dates, drop by to hang out at each others houses, swap baby sitting etc. I sit - on my couch, in my pajamas with all the blinds closed and never going in public - wondering why I'm not making great friends like that. It makes no sense!
So, the point is I am TERRIBLE...yes, it requires being in all caps...at making friends in "real life". I always worry that if I am completely myself, I am going to offend someone or they're not going to think I'm funny, so I over compensate and I suddenly become as fun as stale bread. I don't keep good conversation, I don't come up with witty remarks. I sit there like a bump on a log conducting an interview with someone rather than a conversation.
Being raised in Utah didn't help either, because I don't know how to make friends with people that aren't at church. I know this sounds SUPER snotty...and it's not meant to. It's just that I never had to try to make friends in Utah, everyone I lived by was at church on Sunday with me, we had an instant similarity that eased the "ward member" relationship in to a friendship. Here, it's not that way at all and I don't know how to make friends.
So this is where you all - my world wide web/real life friends - come in handy. How do you make friends in new situations?? I honestly don't even know how. I have met a few really nice people, but then I'm always shy and don't end up calling them back or setting something else up (dumb, I know) and before I know it they've forgotten about me...with good reason...and I'm back to square one.
So, Do I...
- Make cookies and randomly drop them off at neighbor's houses to get to know them?
- Walk up and down the neighborhood streets and yell "HEY! You look like I might like you!" at anyone that passes by that seems nice?
- Invite every person I've come in contact with to some sort of outing and risk looking desperate?
- Quietly invite one or two people at a time to get together at a park with our kids allowing us to get to know each other better and slowly build friendships?
- Invite one or two couples over for dinner with my family?
OR
- Do I keep waiting around for someone to notice me and make that first move? (That sounds odd...but once again, it's the only way I can explain it.)
Hello, My Name is Camille (and my cute family) and I am socially inept.
Won't you help me?
Please?
14 comments:
I'm not super good at this myself but one thing that helped me (after living in this ward for a LONG time and not having any friends) was praying about it. The Lord kinda just popped an idea in my head that I should offer to do some photos (for free) of this lady's little girls. That little act of service started a fun friendship. Definitely don't sit around waiting for it to happen, I did that for about 2 years with no such luck. :)
Oh my goodness. This is so me too! It is so tough. Serioulsy, moving and having to find new friends is like dating all over again. You hang out with someone, wonder the whole time if they like you or not, get nervous and say stupid things and then wait to see if they call. I do NOT like it!
I am also terrible with making friends with people outside of church. There is actually a girl two houses over from me that has a girl just Sarah's age and I'm so awkward with setting up playdates that we never have. I really need to break this problem because last winter KILLED me, and I need some social interaction.
I have become a terrible conversationalist as well. I used to be so outgoing, fun and witty in High School ( and a little bit in college) but now I am with you in blending into the wall. *sigh* Need to get brave.
I think a lot of your ideas are great. Especially the taking the cookies around and setting up playdates.
Hang in there! And we can have long distance PJ parties anytime you want. :)
You guys look super cute by the way! Honestly, I did the it the really crappy way - baking pumpkin chocolate chip bread for all the neighbors, since I'm in the same boat and not all of them are LDS. The downside is a lot of them are not friend material - but at least now I know who my neighbors are and that helps :) Plus it gave me some motivation for a few weeks.
My vote is for you to keep up with the park/play date idea. Do it somewhere neutral so if it goes sour you can pinch Addison and say you've got to go home! ha ha!
Good luck - we love you!
Yep...I feel the same way too! I find it hard to find friends in Provo, where it's a major college town, and people move in and out around us all the time! So I've created this "why try" attitude about making friends since neither of us are going to be staying in Provo for very long.
The process of making a friend feels the same way as dating a guy...does she/he like me?...and so on. :P
And I too speak better online than I do in person. You don't hear me stumble over my words, and I can think longer about what I really want to say.
Anyway...you're not alone! And I too need to take my neighbor some cookies! :)
I am the same way! Luckily when we moved into this neighborhood a cute gal a few doors down immediately started inviting me to things. Anytime she would go to the park with her kids she would give me a call. It was great to feel like I immediately knew someone and had a friend. Good luck! I hope you make some wonderful friends that make being away from home/family easier.
As someone who is lucky to have you not only as my sister, but a BFF, I have to say that you don't give yourself enough credit. Sure, you're quiet a first, but you are a spunky lady with a lot to offer other people.
Take goodies, plan park dates and play dates, sit NEXT TO people at church were you can make small talk but don't have to carry on a conversation because you "shouldn't" be talking anyway. Volunteer in Brielle's class when you can. Set up a school car pool - this always forces phone calls with the other moms! And if all else fails, beg :)
I've found the more kids I have the harder it is for me to maintain friendships with varying schedules and interests. One thing I do is set a goal to call all of my friends (yes, all three of them) once a week. Even if we don't see each other, just chatting helps keep those ties strong.
I'm willing to move up and be your friends :)
First of all I love that picture, you look really cute! Ok so I was really bad at this too but since I moved back to Arizona, I haven't been here in about 5 years and most the friends I had in High school weren't Mormon so it's hard now becuase I don't see them like at all anymore becuase they like to go to the club on the weekends. So I had to start all over and try to get out there and make friends. I just recently met a girl in the ward and told myself I CAN DO IT. This may sound crazy but I saw her get up out of Sunday school and she was gone for like 5 minutes so I got up with Oaklynn and went out to the hall and she was out there letting her little boy crawl around the halls. I nonchalantly walked over to her and asked her about her boy. We then started talking and we have EVERYTHING in common. She them found me on FB and we started talking and now we are going out to lunch today! I am so proud of myself and now feel like I can meet more people.
You have an awesome personality so put yourself out there to meet new people, if they don't like you... THEIR LOSS!!!
For some reason I am the SAME way! It's sooo much easier to sit at the desk top and chat away, or talk on the phone with some one-they dont HAVE to know I'm still not dressed or that I shower at noon! I think the best thing to do is to try conversations with neighbors and start hitting up the park at prime times if you can figure out when those are! But Hopefully I'll be there soon and then our girls can play while we sit in our jammies!
I agree! Moving is so hard. I DO live in Utah, and I still feel awkward and a bit insecure at church. Last week, some girl gave me the "look you up and down look" you know what I'm talking about? I thought only guys did that! But I thought to myself, what, am I not trendy enough for you to say hi to me? I can imagine it would be 10 times harder when you are away from all the familiar things. But I guess maybe it will force you to be more outgoing? I do have to say though, you are one person that reached out to me in one of my most trying times, and I have never forgotten it! Not only did you call some girl you had never met before, but you came and brought tips, helping hands and awesome suggestions! (I still am thankful you introduced me to the sleep book. :) I wouldn't worry about if they are liking you or not while you are with them, because if you are just yourself I'm sure they will love you. Good luck, and sorry for the everlasting comment! :)
Pretend you are a taxi (yes, yellow cab NY taxi)turn your "light" on and be "open" to new people and situations when you go out. Friends will come to you when they see you are available. :)
I sm so glad you did reach out! I used to be super outgoing and then I just stopped...but I am thankful you took the first step!!
I have the same problem. I used to be fine talking to people, but ever since I went into hibernation 5 years ago...aka...had my first child, I haven't been the same. I talk to kids all day, and now I'm socially awkward. I'm trying to be better, but it's hard. I just don't know what to say to people anymore. If you ever come visit Utah though, we definitely need to have a girls night!! Hang in there, and know you aren't alone!
oh gosh. reading this post sounds exactly like me! since having the triplets i seriously don't have any friends. at least none that want to do anything with me....i always think it's cause i have 4 tiny kids and people think i'm busy or they don't "want to intrude"....but that's just me trying to make myself feel better. let me know what you come up with! i've thought about making goodies and taking them around last time i tried the cookies came out burnt. ugh.
I just read this...I'm a little behind on my blog reading. Oopsies.
All you need is to know 1 person and then throw an open neighborhood (or other group) party/BBQ! Deliver a simple flyer to the neighbors and just bring some hotdogs and Sprite. If only the 2 of you show up....whatev! More cheetos for you! It actually worked out quite nicely for us. We had a good group show up. That is all you need to start the fun! I am also frequently taking around baked goods just to say a super fast "hello, here have a treat" and then be off....you gotta leave them hanging a little plus if you can bake- just the more reason to be your friend! ;P
Another thing that seems to work with my neighbors is to just go take a lawn chair out front and sit and enjoy the weather while the kids play. If you live near others with kids they will probably come join you eventually...especially if you have a big bag of cheetos...
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