Christmas Wishes

As this Christmas season approaches I have an unusual amount of gratitude for all I have.  While there are many "things" I would LIKE to have or things that I wish we had more of, I can't help but be overwhelmed with gratitude for the important things I do have.  Family, love, religion, health, etc.  Call it hormones if you must, but I am much more tender - emotionally - this year as the holiday is quickly arriving.

While I was in the hospital after having Addison I had a WONDERFUL nurse the last day.  She was young (26) and SO attentive and great.  None of my other nurses went so out of their way to make sure I was comfortable.  She offered to hand me my baby so I didn't have to move, prop up my pillows so I could be more comfortable, get me more ice water, bring me a soda or some snacks and other things that hadn't been offered the other 3 days I had been there.

As I was getting ready to be discharged she came in and began removing the staples from my incision.  As awkward as the moment could have been...or perhaps should have been...I found myself having a conversation with this nurse that I never expected.  One that I am sure I will never forget.

It started out innocently, discussing where we were from, telling her we were military, me asking if they were military (since she said was from out of state as well) and other small things.  Then the conversation took an unexpected turn as my sweet nurse got choked up and told me her story. 

In October, 2008, her and her husband of 5 years moved here for military training.  They had been here a total of 17 days, knew nobody and were still getting settled in when her husband was killed in a terrible hit and run accident while he was riding his bike.  She went on to tell me that for 20 minutes he lay on the side of the road, left for dead, before somebody noticed him.  She spent two days lying in bed with him at the hospital while machines kept him alive before she could go through with his wishes of not keeping him on life support.  They had been together since they were 16.  She knew nobody else, she had the love of her life.  The life they had dreamed of was just getting started when it was ripped from her arms. 

She spent the next few months in a fog, saying a lot of the time she would just lay on the floor at her apartment curled up in a ball because the pain was too much.  I cried with her as she talked about losing her one true love and thinking there was no way she could ever love like that again.  She said she is doing her best to continue living, that she hasn't picked up the pieces yet and has just mastered the art of faking it and putting up a front.  She told me that if it weren't for her job - which she loves - she doesn't know where she would be. 

The conversation continued as she said that she finally got to the point where she asked herself what her husband would want her to do.  She knew it would be to fulfill her dreams and live a happy life, so she is currently getting ready to begin medical school so she can be a doctor.  I just wanted to hug her but as the conversation came to an end she apologized for being inappropriate and left the room.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about her and wishing there was more I could have said or done.  But I think - or hope - having someone to talk to and listen to her was what she needed at the time.

The point is that this world is a very hard one at times and that people go through unimaginable things.  Sometimes I feel bad and have "poor me" moments when I think my trials are too great to handle.  But then I take a step back and think about the blessings I have.  All I have to do is look at the people in my little home and I am instantly filled with God's love.

So this Christmas season I am going to focus less on what the world would have me focus on and I will focus my attention on what He would have me focus on.  I will hug my children a little tighter, tell my husband I love him a little more, serve the people around me and open my heart to God.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas...and remember to be grateful for all that God has given us.