There really is no proper or easy way to say goodbye to your spouse/best friend, no way to really convey how much you are going to miss them. Because you really do not know how much it is going to hurt. You can only imagine the loneliness, pain and anxiety as you send them off. There is only so much you can say and so much you can do to prepare to be away from the person you cannot imagine life without. It’s like ripping off a band aid, you know it must be done, know that prolonging it will only make it worse and that it’s best to do it in one fail swoop. It is still very painful though.
Tonight I said goodbye to Marty and my emotions are extremely raw. I still don’t know what to expect or how the next 10 weeks really will play out. The last few days leading up to this I have felt like we would be okay and that it would go fast. But as I really think about it, I’m not sure how I am going to do this.
I felt as though the walls of my heart were closing in as I drove away from the hotel where he has to spend the night tonight. I thought I might not be able to breathe, let alone drive home with my two girls in the back seat. I clung to him as we dropped him off, knowing I could not beg him to stay, but dying for just another five minutes, even one more minute to have his arms around me.
The hardest part was hearing him tell the girls goodbye and seeing how hard that was for him. Today I heard him tell Brielle to come sit by him while they were playing in her room. I went in to see what they were up to and he had her cuddled on his lap and had some tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he clung to her and buried his head in hers. She didn’t know what was going on, she just knew daddy wanted to snuggle.
As we drove away, Brielle asked if she could sleep in my bed tonight. Not wanting to start a bad habit I told her I wasn’t sure that was a good idea. She so sweetly said to me, “Well, mommy, I just don’t want you to have to sleep alone tonight.” I of course caved and will let her sleep with me, because she’s right, I’m not sure I want to sleep alone tonight.
I will do my best in the next 10 weeks not to let this blog turn in to a sap fest and will try to keep it upbeat. But please be patient as my life feels like it's crumbling around me.
Tonight I said goodbye to Marty and my emotions are extremely raw. I still don’t know what to expect or how the next 10 weeks really will play out. The last few days leading up to this I have felt like we would be okay and that it would go fast. But as I really think about it, I’m not sure how I am going to do this.
I felt as though the walls of my heart were closing in as I drove away from the hotel where he has to spend the night tonight. I thought I might not be able to breathe, let alone drive home with my two girls in the back seat. I clung to him as we dropped him off, knowing I could not beg him to stay, but dying for just another five minutes, even one more minute to have his arms around me.
The hardest part was hearing him tell the girls goodbye and seeing how hard that was for him. Today I heard him tell Brielle to come sit by him while they were playing in her room. I went in to see what they were up to and he had her cuddled on his lap and had some tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he clung to her and buried his head in hers. She didn’t know what was going on, she just knew daddy wanted to snuggle.
As we drove away, Brielle asked if she could sleep in my bed tonight. Not wanting to start a bad habit I told her I wasn’t sure that was a good idea. She so sweetly said to me, “Well, mommy, I just don’t want you to have to sleep alone tonight.” I of course caved and will let her sleep with me, because she’s right, I’m not sure I want to sleep alone tonight.
I will do my best in the next 10 weeks not to let this blog turn in to a sap fest and will try to keep it upbeat. But please be patient as my life feels like it's crumbling around me.
17 comments:
Camille,
I'm so sorry! I wish I had advice to offer you. Best of luck to your family during your momentary separation. I hope the time passes by quickly! Can you talk on the phone/e-mail frequently with him?
Oh Camille, you have me in tears! I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I will keep all four of you in my prayers.
Hang in there....we are thinking of you! Hopefully time will go by fast! I know it is hard to essentially be a single mom for a few months. Hopefully you'll get to see your family a lot!
I'm so sorry. You had me in tears too. I know a little of what you are going through with Chris traveling a lot, although I have no idea what it would be like to be apart for so long. I definitely know time apart makes you love and appreciate them so much more than you ever thought you could. I hope the time goes by quickly for all of you!
So sorry, I hope that everything goes well for you guys! Patrick leaves on June 2nd to go back to Azerbaijan for 11 weeks. He was accepted on a scholarship through the State Department to return and study the language. So we'll have to hang out this summer with our girls!!!
Thank you everyone! You're all so sweet.
Ali - Nope, no emails and maybe a couple phone calls through the whole thing. We will do our best to write letters back and forth but that is about all the communication we will have.
I'm so sorry. My mom did this when we were kids, and I've heard it's very hard. I won't blame you if you are sad on here for awhile. Blogs are about life, and sometimes life is sad.
Camille - you can do this! Use this time to really stay focused on your girls - be really present for them and the distraction will help you get through. Make some kind of a countdown chart or a paper chain that you all can take one piece off of for each day that your reunion gets closer! Make some fun out of all of it - life goes really quickly and before you know it you will all be together hugging again! I say all of this - but I know that your heart hurts and it has to feel scary! Breathe deeply and smile - you can do this!!! xoxox MJ
hear i am bawling after reading this last post. i can't imagine going through what you are. i am so sorry. i hope it goes really fast for you, pick up a few new hobbies and just keep yourself busy it will help speed the time along.
Oklahoma doesn't have mountains. but the plane ride fell like a rollercoaster at the end. lots of turbulence. Everything is going to be A ok. Ten weeks is no time at all. And I'll be skinny
I shouldn't have read this at work today, I almost lost it - so I had to wait to comment until I was safely at home! We're thinking about you and are here for you whenever you need us - come have a get-a-way at our place!
I can't imagine how you feel. I started crying just reading this! I don't know how to make it easier for you, but I hope it will go by fast for you.
POOR THING.... COME TO MY HOUSE.. CRAZINESS MAKES TIME FLY. BUT REALLY WE NEED TO PLAY SOME TIME. YOUR GIRLS ARE SO CUTE. ENJOY THE GIRL TIME AND SUPRISE HIM BY PAINTING THE HOUSE OR DOING SOMETHING CRAZY THAT WILL TAKE UP LOTS OF TIME!
How sad...I'm sorry Camille. Good luck with the coming weeks. I hope they fly by for you!
That is so hard. just have lots of girl nights! That is what I do when Josh leaves for the weekends 2-3 times a month. I tell Malyna that we are going to do only girl things that daddy can't do, like make overs, cookies, movie nights in jammies! KEEP POSTING
We're thinking of you. Just remember that it will be worth it in the end. How sweet was Brielle to think of keeping you company in bed? Hang in there!
I have been thinking about you! I hope you are doing alright! If you need anything let me know!
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