Tomorrow is the day that a difficult yet very rewarding chapter of our lives comes to a close. We will drive away from Washington for good, and the permanence is feeling very strange.
It's like reading a novel. You speed read through the book, cramming as much as you can into each session of reading wanting to reach the end to see how it turns out.
Then you get to that last page, you read that last word, and while you're happy to have reached it there is also a part of you that feels a little sad it is over, not sure you're ready to close that cover and put the book on the shelf. Part of you wonders if you should go back a chapter or two and read it again, this time paying a little closer attention to the details. But your mom comes in, sees that you're up way past your bedtime and insists it is time to put the book away.
That is how I feel about tomorrow.
I pushed and pushed and pushed to get to the end of our military life and living away from our families. I pushed to get us home as soon as possible. I pushed to say goodbyes to friends, tie up loose ends and walk away.
But today I feel a little sad that it's almost over. Not sure I'm ready to put this book on a shelf and start a new one. Not sure I want to close the cover. What if I don't remember how the story went? What if I forget the characters, the plot, the twists and turns, the joy and the sadness? What if it's all lost and forgotten and almost as if I never read it?
When we started this whole journey in Texas 2 years ago, I felt
completely devastated. I cried a lot, I ached to be home and in my comfort zone and was sure the next few years of our lives was going to be completely miserable. Moving to Washington wasn't nearly as hard, but still a little sad.
But you know what? The last couple years hasn't been completely miserable. There have been times that we have felt sad and wished we weren't missing out on things at home. But what happened during this chapter is we made friends, we learned independence, joy in simplicity, that driving 24 hours straight in a car wasn't the end of the world. We grew closer as a couple and as a small family. We learned the importance of food storage, to love cooking and baking, and making big Sunday dinners. That having missionaries and friends over for dinner is FUN and not stressful. That everyone has a mess in their house, and nobody cares if you do too. That we all need friends but most have a hard time making that first step or reaching out. To let things roll off my back and remain calm in stressful situations. That lonely holidays always seemed to turn out so wonderful as we got to spend one on one time together. That asking for help isn't the worst thing and giving service to those who really need it is so rewarding.
And you know what, I will kind of miss these things.
I was SO excited...tearing through this book, ready to be back home. I skimmed some details, flipped pages at break neck pace. And today, I feel sad. I'm not quite ready to make it complete.
I know that the next chapter will be wonderful, and that once we're back with our families it will all be so worth it. I just hope I can remember all I've learned and take it with me.
And I'm sure anyone that reads my blog still is ready for it to be over too so I can move onto other things to blog about. And I will...but today I'm having a pity party. Everyone deserves those once in a while.