Kid Funnies

*Found this post hanging out in my drafts...they're some good kid funnies from earlier this year!*

Me:  Brielle, will you give Brody some more cheerios when he finishes, I need to hurry and grab something.
*I walk away...Brielle starts drumming on the table*
Claire: She didn't say to do that!
Brielle:  Well, she didn't say NOT to do it.  BOOM!

********************
Addison seeing the social media pictures on the back of a carton:

"Bird, Camera, F, Nose?  I don't get it!"

********************
We were telling the kids how when Addison was a baby, she wouldn't sleep in the car and screamed pretty much the whole time we were on road trips unless we got her french fries.  (don't judge)  I said something about "It was delightful."  Addison shrugs her shoulders and said, "Well, I sure liked screaming."

********************

Claire: "This smoothie is so good. The pineapple awakens my taste buds! My taste buds were still tired, but now they're awake!"

That's a powerful smoothie!

********************

Molly has discovered the beauty of pausing a show if she needs to go to the bathroom. The problem is it's crossing over into regular life too.

While sitting at dinner: "Hey, pause! Pause! I need to go bathroom!"

While playing with Brody: "Mom, pause! Pause! I need to find something."

And lastly: "Mom, pause! Addison is in the bathroom!"

Our life is a constant game of freeze dance now.

********************

Addison: [very sad whining voice] Oh man, I'm not very stretchy today. And I have a lump in my chest.
Me: I'm sorry. That doesn't sound good. How do you know you have a lump in your chest?
A: Because I can feel it!
Me: How does it feel?
A: It feels like snakes with clappers pinching me and biting me and like a bunch of rattlesnakes rattling inside of me!

That's a pretty specific feeling. I hope she survives!

********************

Me: What's wrong Molly?
Molly: My back, right here.
Me: Does it hurt or is it itchy?
Me: It's hurtchy!

Well that clears things up. Not sure how to fix "hurtchy".

********************

Claire: "Ahhh, my feet are not letting me do what I want! They're doing the exact opposite of what I'm trying to do!

********************

Addison: [very concerned] "Mom, I don't want ogre hands. Can you show me what ogre hands look like so I know mine aren't that way?"

********************
While watching the Super Bowl:
Addison: "I like watching this, it's funny to watch. Some people get head butted in the belly."
Marty - after all the questions from the girls:  "You guys, I'm not going to explain the whole game of football right this minute to you." 

Marty: "That should have been a flag!"
Claire: "Only if it was flag football."

Marty:  "So many questions and so much talking! It's like an episode of The Gilmore Girls in here!" - Marty

********************
I was working at the computer, and Addison walked up and started blowing on me.  I said, "Please don't, I don't want you blowing on me."  With a sassy attitude, she notices a pencil on my desk and says, "Well...I don't want YOU to have my purple pencil!"  Picked it up and walked away.  I didn't realize the pencil was so important.

********************
Brielle:  Brody is so cute, and he's eating really fast.  Faster than you can say sabotage.
Me:  Why would I say sabotage about him eating?
Brielle:  I don't know.
Claire:  Saaaaaaa-boooooooo-taaaaaaaa-gggggggeeee.
Brielle:  Yeah, he already ate like three cheerios.
Claire:  Wow.  Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-booooooooooooo-taaaaaaaaaaa-ggggggggeeeeeee.
Brielle:  Yep. He ate that fast.

********************
The kids were cleaning, and Addison said, "Ugh...I'm SO tired!"  Marty told her she could go to bed if she was so tired.  She quickly added, "I'm not THAT kind of tired, I'm cleaning tired!"  Thanks for clarifying.

********************
Talking to Molly in church one Sunday:
Me:  Are you my favorite little Molly?
Molly:  Nope.
Me:  You're not?
Molly:  Nope, I not.
Me:  Then who is my favorite Molly?
Molly:  Daddy.

********************
Marty and I were saying a quick prayer one afternoon and Marty had just prayed for patience with our children.  Right at that moment, we heard little footsteps walk up and then someone loudly chewing on some food, smacking it right in our ears.  Marty quickly finished the prayer before we both burst out laughing, and looked up to see Molly standing by us munching on a hamburger bun.  Perfect timing kid.

********************
Claire:  I have a friend at school that was born in England and lived there for a few years.
Me:  And then they ended up in Victorville?  Interesting.
Claire:  Well, she lives in Hesperia, but yeah.  Weird.
Me:  Well, some people think that California is just beaches and sunshine.
Claire:  And it's not.  It's just a big dumpster!!
Me:  Uh....
Claire:  I mean, I see garbage on the ground everywhere I go.
I guess she was being literal....and she apparently doesn't like California.

********************
Doing Addison's hair one morning, I was combing through it...apparently taking too long.
Addison:  [annoyed] You know I just want a back piggy tail.
Me:  I do know that, I'm just combing through it, you don't need to be sassy.
Addison:  Some girls are just born sassy.
Me:  No, sassy is a choice.
Addison:  Some girls choose to be sassy, others are just born that way.  It's true.  It's in my book of true but weird facts.
Me:  And where is this book?
Addison:  In my head.
Me:  Oh yeah?
Addison:  Yep...IN MY BRAIN!

********************
The girls have all decided that holding the sacrament tray when it comes to them at church is a big deal, and they no longer want anyone else passing it for them.  This has caused a few embarrassing fights in the bench while people are trying to hold it themselves.  One Sunday in particular, we couldn't get Molly to pass the tray because I was also holding it.  In this growling demon voice (we think it's her "Batman whisper" voice) she says "Let me!"  The whole row busted up, the kid passing the sacrament busted up.  It's our big inside joke now, when we want to do something, we growl "Let me!"

********************
As we were getting ready to move, I said something to Addison about how we were going to be leaving in the morning.
Addison:  Oh good, then I can finally get away from all the kids that are mean to me!
Me:  What kids are mean to you? (she's never mentioned anything before)
Addison:  The ones that hit and kick me.
Me:  Who is hitting and kicking you?!
Addison:  Well....nobody....
Me:  So then nobody is mean to you?
Addison:  No.  But I can finally get away from the people I don't really like!