What?

Sh, I have a secret.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*
*
*

*

*
Oh my goodness!

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*
No way!

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Are you sure?!

*

*

*

*

*

*

*Is that a bun in the oven?

I guess the secret is out!

Drink to that

As many people may know...or don’t know but are now finding out...my dear youngest sister, Emily, is pregnant with her first baby due early October. YEAH FOR EMILY!

(Here she is at 16 weeks pregnant)

*

She couldn’t possibly be more excited and is relishing every moment of pregnancy and planning for a baby. She – by nature – is a major planner. I sit around and then one day go, “oh my gosh, we’re having a baby tomorrow, do you think we should get the crib set up or maybe buy a few outfits or diapers?” I think her nursery is most likely stocked and ready to go. Sometimes I wish I could be that way and plan a little better. But then how would I possibly ever know the stressful rushed feeling of preparing on a second’s notice?

*

Really, Emily has no idea what she’s signed herself up for and what’s about to hit her. I would NEVER EVER in a million billion years, not for any amount of money (unless that amount had at least 7 zero’s behind it) go back and be a first time mother again.

It's not because my baby was hard, because I know for a fact I scored big time with how easy Brielle was. Of course I didn’t realize this until after I had already taken it for granted and thought it was the hardest year of my life. But now looking back, she was super easy.

But the reason I wouldn’t want to go back is because there is so much that changes all at once. You go from working a job, living a fun little “party” life with your husband one day to the next you’re holding this crying, squirming, slimy little body that you have no idea how to calm, no idea how to feed, and no idea how to dress.

*

You no longer go in to a job where you are socializing with adults, you sit in your pajamas and cry for weeks on end wondering how your baby is ever going to make it to their first birthday, because you’re SURE you gave them too much to eat and they’re going to explode or you put their diaper on so tight you’re worried the blood circulation to their legs is going to be cut off and they’ll have to walk on their knees when they’re older.

So, for those reasons I would have to say I will never envy a first time mom for the rest of my life. Maybe a second time mom...because at that point it’s just fun having a baby.

Anyway, Emily is one of those amazing people who has been brainwashed...I mean has decided, that she wants to have a natural labor and delivery and wants to probably use cloth diapers.

Don’t worry, we told her if she went on to drive a Subaru, started wearing dread locks, started making her clothes out of her own home grown cotton, bought a goat for milk, moved to the mountains of Colorado and bought a golden retriever that we’d disown her.

KIDDING, I really think more power to her! If I could have had my babies naturally I think I might have at least tried (of course until I felt the first contraction then I would have cried and cried until someone got me an epidural). If I didn’t hate having to clean babies’ poo more than wrapping it quickly in a diaper and tossing it, I’m sure I’d try cloth diapers as well. But I didn’t.

The natural labor I am more understanding of than the cloth diapers. Please, nobody be offended, if you use them then AWESOME! You’re the coolest person I know! However, I do not understand wanting to wash and reuse a diaper after another human being's poo has been sitting in it, soiling it and smooshing in all the crevices of said diaper.

We (me and my older sister who like to bug her) have been told by Emily that disposable diapers basically never break down and they sit in landfills forever. I have heard that before, so I let that tidbit go un-teased.

I was also informed that you’re not supposed to put “human feces” in the garbage can. That even if you use disposable diapers you should be dumping the poo in the toilet and then throwing away the diaper.

Obviously I couldn’t let THAT go without a little teasing, I mean educated questioning. So I had to ask why no poo in the trash. Emily researches everything, I’m sure because she knows we are going to have a lot of “questions” for her. So, apparently the poo can seep out of the diapers and get in to water sources or something.

I told her that the last time I checked, we weren’t getting our drinking water from the landfill. Unless there are things that “the man” is doing that I’m not aware of, I think we’ll be okay.

My dear mom, always trying to be the peacemaker in our home (a.k.a. Emily’s personal body guard/cheerleader, because Emily is the one we like to gang up on) said to me, “Well, it can seep in to the ground which can then get in to the water source.”

So....wouldn’t the poo we flush down the toilet ALSO end up in our water sources? Aren’t we drinking the poo we just flushed this morning in our nice cup of water the next day? So what are we to do with all this poo just floating around? Are we to keep it and turn it in to our own fertilizer in our gardens? But won’t THAT then seep in to the ground contaminating our water sources???

I really don’t see how there is any “correct” way to dispose of the waste produced from any person, adult or baby, that I couldn’t somehow link to being in our drinking water...just because I’m mean like that and like to tease my sister. What would I be if I didn’t tease her? Not a good older sister, that’s for sure!

I for one am a big fan of bottled/purified water. I don’t like to waste all those water bottles though, so I either get the milk jug sized ones and refill them at the store or just reuse the water bottles with *gasp* tap water.

I also don’t spend a lot of time at landfills, so call me ignorant, rude, or an earth hater but I’m not too concerned about my poopy diapers at the landfill...I mean not MY poopy diapers, but the ones that I change off of little bums.

I for one think I will just laugh every time I wrap up a poopy diaper and throw it in the trash.

Ha, ha, ha, Emily, drink this!


*I had Emily’s full knowledge and consent to write this post. She knows that we like to make fun of her but that in all reality we think it’s great that she wants to be kinder to the earth as well as try to go without drugs that could cause possible side effects. She’s not crazy or die hard about any of it, just wants to do these things if she can. I do like my sister...she just makes for comical conversations. :)

An Update...I know, I should have updated sooner.

Cute huh? My wonderful cousin Lisa and her parents Steve and Elna took our family pictures right before Marty left. The picture doesn't really relate to the rest of the post though....I just like looking at my cute family. :)

I have been informed that after my tear fest of a post that I had better write something new...otherwise people were going to think I was 1. Depressed and laying in my bed crying all the time or 2. Dead.

I would hope people would assume the first before going to such drastic conclusions! But I don't know...maybe some people just don't see the better in things.

I am alive, we are surviving. The hardest would be the lack of a person to just talk to all night, vent any frustrations, tell about the random person you saw picking their nose at the grocery store etc. Also, nobody but your spouse cares as much about your children as you, so not having someone that WANTS to hear EVERY little detail about what my kids did, ate, played with, said etc. is kind of hard as well. But we're okay.

Claire did cry for daddy tonight after she took a bath. She's been EXTRA cuddly. Brielle will get teary once in a while and tell me she misses daddy. But they for the most part have the whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing going for them since they're so little.

Of course I had sobbing fits the first few days where I would run in to the bathroom and hide so my kids wouldn't freak out. But I haven't REALLY cried since Thursday...which is a big step.

Marty has been in what they call "reception" this week and I had NO idea until Tuesday night that he would still have his cell phone through the week and could call me at night! HURRAY! So basically this week he's doing all the boring stuff (getting his uniforms, glasses, paperwork etc.)

Starting Wednesday his cell phone will be taken away and we will go to snail mail communication...I don't even know if I remember HOW to write with a pen! This is going to be interesting. Does it defeat the purpose of being "pen pals" if I were to type a letter and print it out? Probably not quite as romantic....sigh...I guess I'll have to brush up on the old pen to paper. What has this world come to that I must even ASK a question about typing a letter rather than writing one. Shame on me...I take it all back. I plan to learn calligraphy and master it in the next week and write beautiful lengthy mushy letters to him that will some day be framed and put in a museum as part of my history.

Marty feels really sad that he wasn't able to be here for Mother's Day...not that I really like a lot of attention on myself. Shocking, I know, seeing as it would seem that I am a huge old "me monster" here in the internet world. I just don't want it in my face. Makes me uncomfortable. Are you starting to think I may have a few loose screws....I'm sure you're right, I'll work on it.

I guess the whole 180 degree difference in attitude between the last post and this would also add to the idea that I'm not fully there in the head. But...writing is my way of expressing, that's what I felt at that exact moment. This is what I feel at this exact moment.

Anyways, Marty kept asking if the "girls" got me anything...a.k.a. if I had gotten myself something. He was dissapointed that I didn't, so I told him maybe I would get myself a new skirt or something, mostly because none of the skirts I currently own fit...but I'm not ready to bust out the nice "mu mu" like jumper.

Hm...was that a loaded statement?

Saying Goodbye

There really is no proper or easy way to say goodbye to your spouse/best friend, no way to really convey how much you are going to miss them. Because you really do not know how much it is going to hurt. You can only imagine the loneliness, pain and anxiety as you send them off. There is only so much you can say and so much you can do to prepare to be away from the person you cannot imagine life without. It’s like ripping off a band aid, you know it must be done, know that prolonging it will only make it worse and that it’s best to do it in one fail swoop. It is still very painful though.

Tonight I said goodbye to Marty and my emotions are extremely raw. I still don’t know what to expect or how the next 10 weeks really will play out. The last few days leading up to this I have felt like we would be okay and that it would go fast. But as I really think about it, I’m not sure how I am going to do this.

I felt as though the walls of my heart were closing in as I drove away from the hotel where he has to spend the night tonight. I thought I might not be able to breathe, let alone drive home with my two girls in the back seat. I clung to him as we dropped him off, knowing I could not beg him to stay, but dying for just another five minutes, even one more minute to have his arms around me.

The hardest part was hearing him tell the girls goodbye and seeing how hard that was for him. Today I heard him tell Brielle to come sit by him while they were playing in her room. I went in to see what they were up to and he had her cuddled on his lap and had some tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he clung to her and buried his head in hers. She didn’t know what was going on, she just knew daddy wanted to snuggle.

As we drove away, Brielle asked if she could sleep in my bed tonight. Not wanting to start a bad habit I told her I wasn’t sure that was a good idea. She so sweetly said to me, “Well, mommy, I just don’t want you to have to sleep alone tonight.” I of course caved and will let her sleep with me, because she’s right, I’m not sure I want to sleep alone tonight.

I will do my best in the next 10 weeks not to let this blog turn in to a sap fest and will try to keep it upbeat. But please be patient as my life feels like it's crumbling around me.